Final My Dearest Kitty .. In Honor of Christopher J Brooks

FINAL My Dearest Kitty, 

( Last Post from the author – Christopher J Brooks)

· Thanks for barfing next to the food dish and cleaning it up afterwards. I love self maintenance pets.

· Again the thing attached to your butt… it is called your tail. It is NOT attacking you.

· Oh, and I decide to pet you… biting me is not required.

· Please keep in mind that trying to lift the toilet seat just means your head will get stuck… AGAIN!

· Also, please do not vocalize your ‘efforts’in the litter box! It only has a single purpose and I do not need a memo.

· And STOP opening and slamming the cabinet doors, the food is in a dish on the floor!

· I must remind you that cold paws on me while sleeping will get a smack to the back of your head or butt!

· Oh and I know the heat went out again…they will be up soon to fix. Please see space heater as I am not your personal ‘heat source’… stop standing on me!

· Also… stop sniffing the other cats butt! You know it stinks because you keep making that same face.

· Rumor has it that an average of 50 toys are under my bed… I am not your personal entertainer. Please seek out ‘said toys’…

· Again… Cat Conference of when you complain is at 10:15AM SHARP!  If you are late and remember your current complaint?  Just remember you got 2 cans of food for breakfast!

Christopher passed away last month on March 25^th after a very brief stay in the hospital.  Friends and family were aware that he wasn’t feeling 100% but had no idea that he was in danger for his life.  He drove himself to the hospital on March 14^th and would be in Hospice the following week.  Christopher was one of the winners of the IPod contest and really enjoyed that you liked his Cat Diary’s.  Now, the family is trying to find amazing homes for his adorable and obviously spoiled kitty kids.  These last few kitty thought were lines he sent to me (his Mom) after the contest was over.  Enjoy and smile often when you think of a silly kitty story.

Hugs to you all,

Joanne B in building 3

My Dearest Kitty.....(Part Nine)

Dear Cat,

· When I clean out the fish tank and put them in the bathtub to clean off your paw prints… it is not a buffet of fish, please see kibble in dish on floor!

· Thanks again for not making random stains lately on the carpet… I guess the food change was a success!

· We need to discuss personal space again… it is MY BED! Please see 2^nd bedroom, couch, loveseat, floor random chair or bathroom sink. Thanks.

· I hate to bring this up again… but if there is a shiny spot at the center of the food dish? This is not a life crisis or the end of the world is near. (you will live) It takes me over 12 hours to eat one breakfast sandwich and yet you can snarf down 2lbs. of kibble in a day?

· Oh and thanks for leaving paw prints on the toilet seat… I know where those paws have been!

· I bought 50lbs of cat litter today. (was on sale 99 cents for a 10lb bag) I think you are good for at least 6 weeks and no longer need to wash your paws.

· One last thing… what is up with falling asleep in the middle of the hallway? Biting me because I step on your tail is getting old and I can bite back. However, I already have dental floss and cat hair just is not the same.

My Dearest Kitty (Part Eight)

· The new stain right next to the other one? I appreciate your artwork… Monet did not paint that many water lilies. So STOP TRYING TO OUT DO him! He was an artist, you just have some weird gag issue.

· Thank you ‘baby cat’ for actually warning of the ‘new present’ in the kitchen so I did not step in the furball your sister gave me. You made me stop just in time before several 4 letter metaphors were announced at 5AM.

· Oh… if you sleep on the edge of the bed? It is not my fault you fell and bounced. I suggest the couch or your own dang bed? Just because you are upset… I am not your scratching post! Please see carpet!

· We have talked about this… but the Big Cat Diaries on Animal Planet are getting old! Shadow and Halftail are awesome hunters. However, I can only watch the girls hunt and kill a pig so many times. I know you love ham but… REALLY?

· Okay a friend of mine brought me 54 half n halfs for your morning breakfast… you are now cut back to only 2 a day! My eyes are watering from that smell you create then make a funny face! I know this is cat humor… but SO NOT FUNNY! I get it you like smelly stuff… ummm, I do not… thanks in advance. I wonder if Beano makes a cat version…

· When the phone rings… please hit the Green Button unless it is a bill collector. Otherwise hit the red button, thanks in advance.

· Oh and things I place in a trash bag to take out later…. Is still my property and I do not want you gutting the bag looking for food! You are 26lbs… ya not staving.

· Okay… why is your new favorite show Bridezillas?

· Umm, Nerds are not a cat snackem… it is a candy treat for humans!

· I love your affinity for toilet water… but I provide you with filtered water daily. Please leave my toilet alone!

· Thanks for the ‘present’… I cleaned up your projectile cat specialty. I request less presents… thanks in advance!

My Dearest Kitty ... (Part Six)

Dear Cat:

• Your design skills in the bathroom are still in question. Please Note: The bathroom is not a Putt-Putt Mini Golf Course. Flying objects are called birds and airplanes… not anything off the counter or shelves.

• OKAY FINE! I get it… I let it get a little warm in the place. The fainting spells from your ‘lack of napping’ are getting old! I turned the A/C back on for now. (yet you normally sleep under a blanket, hmmm)

• Oh? Big Cat Diaries is your favorite show… I know! You stare at the TV in a creepy way especially when the Cheetah makes a kill. Umm, do not get any ideas! Oh and the expression on your furry face when the Cheetah was in the middle of 40 baboons… PRICELESS! Your favorite puddytat ran as fast as she could to escape!

• Also… half of your toys have been ‘repossessed ‘ until you learn to stop leaving ‘presents’ on the carpet for at least 2 weeks. Hint: If you can open a 100 year old dresser drawer you can have them back.

• I would like to remind you that the bug on the ‘other side of the window’ is not attacking you. I am running low on Windex from paw and nose prints.

• Again… I appreciate you finally learning your names… Here! KITTY KITTY KITTY. Saves me some time in remembering what I actually named you.

Your fearless leader,
Christopher

My Dearest Kitty ... (Part Four)

Dear Cat the litter box timeshare holder,

• Clorox is not an ‘air freshener’ as it is more of a cleaning ingredient. I know you love the smell… but back off when I pour it in the ‘water dish/toilet’! Unless you want your fur all white. I am CLEANING!

• Please explain to me… How is it you can lay next to me while I am sitting upright watching television but, if I lay down next to you… POOF kitty disappears. I am starting to take this personal!

• Also… I do not need to see your ‘stink star’ on a daily/hourly basis. Please reserve that visual for litter box. I know you are proud of that thing under your tail but, I am just not really interested. –Thanks.

• Why is it sleeping on top of my DVR is your favorite napping spot? Yet I try and cover you with a blanket you get all cranky.

• Again… I am allowed to pet you, hold you and pinch your toes while you sleep. Tugging on your tail is only for special occasions when you have been well behaved. (all cats love their tail pulled slightly)
• Kittens… please stop opening the wine cabinet. Yes I put a stuffed cat on the other side of the glass doors to torment you… but please stop trying to let him out!

• Monkey (the youngest brat/cat)… I would appreciate if you would refrain from opening and slamming kitchen cabinet doors looking for food. Please see kibble dish! It is SO NOT FUNNY!

• Oh… and there is nothing hiding behind the sliding closet doors except for my clothes. It is not a napping spot!!!

Please NOTE: Changing your litter box is a 10 minute ordeal and I do not need supervision! Sitting in the spot where it was upon the temp removal to empty out your crap does not mean you are first in line among the other brats. I actually have to carry your crap down to the dumpster and then refill.

• Umm, we have met upon many occasions… you announcing your presence when jumping up next to me is not necessary. Remember I named you and my name is not meow.

• Oh… and the roll of white stuff next to the toilet is for my personal use! It is not a play toy for you to grab onto and hall down the hallway. It is $3.59 for a 4 pack!!!

• I know you get mad… but I find it funny to hide cat snackems in odd places that you cannot reach without a lot of effort. Consider it a form of exercise. Hehe

• Again… closing the shower door while you are in there and turning on the water? IS SO FUNNY! STOP HISSING AT ME!

• Speaking of hissing… you need a Tic-Tac!

That's all for now,
Christopher

My Dearest Kitty ... (Part Three)

Dear Cat:

It is called a "shared" living space… and since you think what is yours is NOT mine ... I find it necessary to go into details …

· First off - I am not a sleeping device and you have the ability to sleep in your own room. Under my armpit or between my legs are off limits.

· Secondly - Meowing in the hallway to hear your own voice echo… is rather annoying.

· Again… the dog on the other side of the door is not going to eat you so stop hissing. You are just making another smell from the front end this time.

· Oh… and the cat you see in the window? Is not your boy/girl friend… they are just napping.

· Also Dear Cat… I would appreciate instead of missing the tile floor by 3 feet for your ‘furball present’ just RUN FASTER, the carpet will be calico soon! HAHA

· Just so you know? The litter box is only 3 inches deep and we are not the mob! I appreciate you hiding the ‘sand cookies’ but it does not take 20 minutes to bury your new gift to the dumpster.

· Regarding blankets again… if I am cold I have the right to steal yours during the night and stop smacking me in the face with your tail afterwards. You have a fur coat… you can be a pelt for Cruella De Vil.

Until next time,
Christopher

Click here to read part 4...

My Dearest Kitty ... (Part One)

Dear Cat…

I know you have a sense of humor… otherwise you would have escaped and found a new pooper scooper, food and toilet to drink out of for your daily needs.  However, perhaps we need to go over a few things listed BELOW…?

I own you and I pay the rent so therefore the following is a ceast and desist order!

· You washing your paws in the toilet and touching my face to wake me up… not funny.

· Adding stains to the carpet… I have to ‘resolve’ haha

· When laying in bed… your tail touching me just to irritate me, just needs to stop! I know you are there because I hear you snoring.

· How is it that toys I have not seen in 4 years just suddenly appear… do you have a mystical toy bag?

· Oh… if you make a smell next to me? Do NOT look at me and try to place blame. We know who created the fog in the room, puddytat!

· When I come home from the store… I am not always shopping for you and your needs! I need to eat once in a while to provide for your furry butt. Just because you have a craving? I would appreciate it that you not gut the fresh bag of cat food next to your dish just because you cannot wait until morning.

· Please note: I have my toys and you have your toys. I do not share! So please stop stealing my stuffed animals for your entertainment purposes.

· Also… Dear Kitten, not everything I eat is ‘cat food’! I am getting really tired of sharing my dinner. This is NOT Big Cat Diaries on Cable where you get to eat fresh kills daily… please see the kibble dish!

Thanks,

Christopher

Submitted by Joanne B. 

Click here to read part 2