Final My Dearest Kitty .. In Honor of Christopher J Brooks

FINAL My Dearest Kitty, 

( Last Post from the author – Christopher J Brooks)

· Thanks for barfing next to the food dish and cleaning it up afterwards. I love self maintenance pets.

· Again the thing attached to your butt… it is called your tail. It is NOT attacking you.

· Oh, and I decide to pet you… biting me is not required.

· Please keep in mind that trying to lift the toilet seat just means your head will get stuck… AGAIN!

· Also, please do not vocalize your ‘efforts’in the litter box! It only has a single purpose and I do not need a memo.

· And STOP opening and slamming the cabinet doors, the food is in a dish on the floor!

· I must remind you that cold paws on me while sleeping will get a smack to the back of your head or butt!

· Oh and I know the heat went out again…they will be up soon to fix. Please see space heater as I am not your personal ‘heat source’… stop standing on me!

· Also… stop sniffing the other cats butt! You know it stinks because you keep making that same face.

· Rumor has it that an average of 50 toys are under my bed… I am not your personal entertainer. Please seek out ‘said toys’…

· Again… Cat Conference of when you complain is at 10:15AM SHARP!  If you are late and remember your current complaint?  Just remember you got 2 cans of food for breakfast!

Christopher passed away last month on March 25^th after a very brief stay in the hospital.  Friends and family were aware that he wasn’t feeling 100% but had no idea that he was in danger for his life.  He drove himself to the hospital on March 14^th and would be in Hospice the following week.  Christopher was one of the winners of the IPod contest and really enjoyed that you liked his Cat Diary’s.  Now, the family is trying to find amazing homes for his adorable and obviously spoiled kitty kids.  These last few kitty thought were lines he sent to me (his Mom) after the contest was over.  Enjoy and smile often when you think of a silly kitty story.

Hugs to you all,

Joanne B in building 3

My Dearest Kitty.....(Part Nine)

Dear Cat,

· When I clean out the fish tank and put them in the bathtub to clean off your paw prints… it is not a buffet of fish, please see kibble in dish on floor!

· Thanks again for not making random stains lately on the carpet… I guess the food change was a success!

· We need to discuss personal space again… it is MY BED! Please see 2^nd bedroom, couch, loveseat, floor random chair or bathroom sink. Thanks.

· I hate to bring this up again… but if there is a shiny spot at the center of the food dish? This is not a life crisis or the end of the world is near. (you will live) It takes me over 12 hours to eat one breakfast sandwich and yet you can snarf down 2lbs. of kibble in a day?

· Oh and thanks for leaving paw prints on the toilet seat… I know where those paws have been!

· I bought 50lbs of cat litter today. (was on sale 99 cents for a 10lb bag) I think you are good for at least 6 weeks and no longer need to wash your paws.

· One last thing… what is up with falling asleep in the middle of the hallway? Biting me because I step on your tail is getting old and I can bite back. However, I already have dental floss and cat hair just is not the same.

My Dearest Kitty (Part Eight)

· The new stain right next to the other one? I appreciate your artwork… Monet did not paint that many water lilies. So STOP TRYING TO OUT DO him! He was an artist, you just have some weird gag issue.

· Thank you ‘baby cat’ for actually warning of the ‘new present’ in the kitchen so I did not step in the furball your sister gave me. You made me stop just in time before several 4 letter metaphors were announced at 5AM.

· Oh… if you sleep on the edge of the bed? It is not my fault you fell and bounced. I suggest the couch or your own dang bed? Just because you are upset… I am not your scratching post! Please see carpet!

· We have talked about this… but the Big Cat Diaries on Animal Planet are getting old! Shadow and Halftail are awesome hunters. However, I can only watch the girls hunt and kill a pig so many times. I know you love ham but… REALLY?

· Okay a friend of mine brought me 54 half n halfs for your morning breakfast… you are now cut back to only 2 a day! My eyes are watering from that smell you create then make a funny face! I know this is cat humor… but SO NOT FUNNY! I get it you like smelly stuff… ummm, I do not… thanks in advance. I wonder if Beano makes a cat version…

· When the phone rings… please hit the Green Button unless it is a bill collector. Otherwise hit the red button, thanks in advance.

· Oh and things I place in a trash bag to take out later…. Is still my property and I do not want you gutting the bag looking for food! You are 26lbs… ya not staving.

· Okay… why is your new favorite show Bridezillas?

· Umm, Nerds are not a cat snackem… it is a candy treat for humans!

· I love your affinity for toilet water… but I provide you with filtered water daily. Please leave my toilet alone!

· Thanks for the ‘present’… I cleaned up your projectile cat specialty. I request less presents… thanks in advance!

My Dearest Kitty ... (Part Five)

Dear Cat:


I will preface with the following… please realize you only exist in my world for my personal entertainment! (I write about and the happy purrs at night… because I know you cannot open the canned cat food without my assistance) So please note the following:

·     For Safety Reasons fellow cat owners: Pulling a cats tail making the sound of Ringdingydingydingy like a pull start lawn mower has a 90% percent chance of looking for a band-aid. Be sure you run to CVS and get some Scooby-Doo Band-Aids before attempting.

·     Also… I did not realize your palate was the level of a Master Chef. Half and Half does taste the same as non-dairy creamer in those little plastic cups. So stop giving me ‘the paw’ in protest.

·    Oh and just because you see chicken or pork on the TV screen from the Food Network Channel… please stop editing my shopping list! It is recorded TV and the paw prints on the TV screen are getting old.

·    Ummm… I give you refrigerated tap water in your bowls daily. I am still curious of why I have to wait in line to use my own bathroom as you drink out of the toilet bowl. You lick your own butt and cannot drink out of your own toilet in your own bathroom?

·    Again… STOP GIVING ME ATTITUDE if I accidentally step on you in the dark because you decided to sleep in the middle of the floor. Generally your naps are on the bed, couch or your own double bed ‘IN THE OTHER ROOM’. I do not need 24x7 meow contact/updates.

·    Tonight I will reward you with snackems and canned food since you made it finally to the kitchen tile for your ‘present’… 2 squirts of Windex and a paper towel.

·    OK… I know my tennis shoes might stink! However, stop sticking your head inside and then looking at me with that funny face. You already knew what you getting into from the start.

So Cat… it is going to get cold soon! I hope the cat burglar does not steal your blankeys… hehe

·    You seem to groom your hair more often than I do myself. Do you really need to lick 24x7 (during your waking hours)…? I shower and apply product to my hair and I am good to go for at least a day! You have not moved in 23 hours… you did not get dirty.

·    Note to self: Do not pull cats tail as the emergency evacuation plan is needed due to green fog. They can bring tears to your eyes.

·    Oh… my Chicken in a Biscuit Crackers is HUMAN FOOD! Just because it smells like chicken and has a faint chicken taste, they are mine.

·    Umm… I did not create ‘thunder’ so your need to make me find a Scooby-Doo Band-Aid? No snackem’s tonight!!!

·    Also… I appreciate the 3AM present you personally made for me. However, you were in range of the tile floor vs. the carpet by only 2 feet. Please try harder to ‘gift’ your furballs on tile… Windex is cheaper!

·    OKAY this is your final warning… the Blackberry is MINE! Please stop sleeping on it, stealing it or shoving it under the bed. I’m just saying!

Until next time,

Christopher