My Dearest Kitty ... (Part Seven)

Dear Cat:

• I know you do not think it is funny but… Super Sticky Post-It’s on all 4 paws? Dang FUNNY! I snort in laughter. Duct tape works as well… but it will make me bleed in revenge later.

• Okay I get it you do not like the tail pulling due to the green fog… I will stop unless I have the fan turned on to aim it elsewhere…

• OK the vent/fan on the left side of my laptop is not a heating blanket… along with sleeping on the DVR.

• Umm… please note kitty, the carpet is part of the lease agreement! Please stop attacking it like an invisible mouse. Mouses (intended spelling) do not ride elevators up to the 5th floor! So please stop perfecting your skills as you are scared of the thing behind the front door called the hallway.

• Oh please put your toys back in the toy box… lately I wait for the cold/warm feeling (aka the present) when I step on something or the bite/claw and hiss.

• Also… hiding behind my 3 gargoyles… nose picker, butt picker and ear picker by my TV does not make you butt licker!

• Holding your paw over your nose and snort in laughter when I trip and spill bbq sauce all over the carpet? SO NOT FUNNY!

• Again… I need to remind you about the thing attached to your butt ‘aka your tail’ STOP TOUCHING ME WITH IT, it is driving me crazy. I know this is cat humor but, keep it up and I will duct tape it to your belly! You will be walking with a wedgie for days.

• Oh and once more please update your Outlook calendar… cat conferences are at 10:15AM and not 2:59AM. I am still unsure of why we have the ‘meow’ sessions… I know your complaint already… because it is MORE SNACKEMS.

• Okay we have discussed this… no matter how flat you lay in a 3 inch box? I can still see your ears and the tail. I realize you think the magical box is camouflage… but unless I close my eyes? I can still see you!

• Umm? You are like 26lbs. The only bag you will fit in is made by Hefty… please stop trying to hide in a shopping bag! When you hear the ripping of paper you know you are exceeding the wide load limit… kitty.

• Sorry in advance but the Animal Planet Channel is currently down for a few more days… and the Big Cat Diaries will be postponed. Blame Time Warner and not my carpet! I know you love watching the cheetahs, ut there is a mirror above the sink… just make strange faces at yourselves. hehe

:)

Your Fearless Leader